The week is over!!

It's been a difficult week.  Wayne is in a funk as well he should be with his mother's passing.I feel helpless because I'm unable to help him.  I know that there are times where you are just suppose to stand back and be there...those are not easy times for me to accept or handle.

TROUBLE THE CAT

The morning started out a little weird.  The cat is freaked because Wayne is home all night.  Poor Trouble refused to sleep in the bed because he could not have two thirds of the bed.  Then this morning after I got up, had my shower, and fed the cat, before Trouble would sit down and be loved he insisted that Wayne get out of the bed...so of course being a well trained human, Wayne obliged. 

I was late to work because Wayne and I were looking for and reading his mother's obituary. Traffic on the way to work was strange just because I was ten minutes late.  Lots of kids on the side of the road waiting for the bus. Gas is going up again.  I bet it will be three dollars a gallon before the "official start of the Summer" (Memorial Day).

Wayne needed a suit jacket, for both his mother's funeral and the cruise he wanted to go to Goodwill, I made him go to Kohls.  I think that we got a good deal, a suit coat, two dress shirts a tie and shirt for me all for one hundred and twenty five dollars.  I thought that we should buy Wayne some dress shoes..he is wearing his sneakers (one for Wayne).  Somethings you argue about with the man, somethings you just give in about...the shoes were that thing today.

I did get to spend some time with Hazel, she always makes me smile.  We are not going to be able to get together on Mother's day because she is working and I'm going to be spreading ashes (or that's the time schedule at the moment) so we are going to celebrate on Monday.  I'm excited...then there is the cruise in 17 days!!!  Yeeeeee Haaaaaaa!

Heavy Heart

Tonight I have a heavy heart.  Wayne's mother passed away this afternoon.  He is upset, who wouldn't be when their mother died.  I'm just at odds because I can't figure out how to make it better.  Logically I know that I can't make Wayne feel less pain, in my heart I want to be able to take the sadness and pain away.  I'm lost and I hate situations where there are no clear answers.  Something which I need to work on is allowing situations to develop instead of trying to control the situations.

Today was a bear at work.  I'm having a hard time accepting that the mediocre work product is acceptable.  I truly believe that when you undertake a task, then you do the task to the highest level of production possible. Sitting in the Purchasing area this means buying quality product, at a good price, providing the paperwork which allows the store locations to receive and ship the material to meet our customer's needs.  Right now at work, no one including my boss sees the value, of going the extra mile to insure our customers (both in house and external) have a satisfactory result.  Not my business not my problem, should be our motto.  I also have way too many supervisors and not enough chickens, and I'm the hen who laid the broken egg.  I'm going to hold out for vacation to see if my view of the working enviroment changes.

Went driving with Hazel this afternoon.  We laughed and she helped lift my work gloom and fustration.  She is an amazing young women, who has a good idea of what she wants and is working hard at achieving her goals.  I may have not had much day to day interaction in her younger years, but I'm just amazed at how she has turned out. 

From her entries on Facebook I can tell Lavorne is having a good time in Florida.  It makes me smile to thing of those girls and thier mother having a great time! 

SOMETIMES TUESDAYS ARE JUST TWISTED

Very strange day for me.  Wayne's mother is winding down her walk on the path of life.  This is made harder for him to accept because she has for so long not know him as her son.  Now in the last moments of her exsistance she seems to be rising above the fog in her mind to become aware of those who will remain behind.  It's very hard for him this leave taking of his mother...it breaks my heart to stand by and watch his heart breaking.  I offer comfort knowing that there is no comfort for his pain. So we together move down our life path, knowing that we leave his mother behind.

Not having sisters I find the relationships between women of the same family interesting.  This group may accept and welcome me as one women to another, but because I lack the shared experience they are not going to allow me to participate in thier pain or grief only within the limits of thier younger brothers scope.  Death of a parent is not something new or unexperienced in my life, my mother three years ago (from dementia) and my father last year, I want to offer comfort, calm and strenght while they wish to circle the wagons against the world.  It's unsettling to not be within the circled wagons.  I want to participate in the journey, I guess I just haven't paid my dues.  

So the day was lost at work, and not being able to just do nothing, I worked on getting a kennel for Trouble.  What did I discover..that the cat has to apply in order to be boarded.  Do you know that these kennels actually have applications?  One of the questions on the application was please explain the mental outlook of your cat.  My response, Trouble is young male adolescent cat who beleives that he runs the universe.  It will be interesting to see if the Kennel accepts Trouble.  Like I said a very twisted day.

I've got a cabin for the cruise!!!

Let this be new clue into me...We (Wayne and I) have booked a Western Caribbean Cruise on Carnival Glory sailing out of Miami on May 16.  Now we did this way back in January.  Looking back on it it may have been a little too far away for us...because it sure has seemed like a long time that we have been watching the web site waiting for our cabin to be assigned.  Today there it is!  Cabin 7236 is going to be all ours.  I'm really excited.  

We have booked shore excursions for every port except Mexico.  I think that we will be alright just to get off the ship and just hang out.  Maybe when we are on the ship we will change our minds but I don't think so.  In Belize we are going to go cave tubing, in Roatan we are going to this very nice resort, Grand Caymen we are going to swim with the sting rays...a couple days at sea and I should come back with a whole new attitude and latitude.  Maybe we will just have to wait and see on that one.

One of the things we did this weekend was to get the Summer stuff out of storage, so that we can take inventory.  We are planning two nights in North Conway next weekend, to celebrate my birthday and to shop for cruise.  I'm really beginning to get excited! About both the cruise and the trip to North Conway.  I'd leave tomorrow if I'd won the lottery this weekend...but guess what I didn't!!!

We also went and say Emily as Baby Bear in "Who Pushed Humpty Dumpty", which was a production of the Windham Middle School"  She was really good.  The crowd was not as large as in previous years, neither was the sound system as good...but still a great afternoon.  

Friday night took John, Hazel and Wayne to the home show at the expo.  Not really Wayne's cup of tea.  I do have to say that it was a different Friday evening for us.  I think both John and Hazel had a wake up call about buying a house....but then again you can never really tell...

We had Chinese food on Friday night.  My fortune said "Whatever you want to do, do it.  There are only so many tomorrows".  I think that these may be good words for the week. 

Sometimes as I drive back and forth to work odd thoughts pass threw my brain. It occurs to me that these truly are gems of great importance, but as the day passes or in the excitement of coming home the thoughts are lost now hopefully they will have a home. We will all have to wait and see how the home develops.

Tonight I'm tired. I was driven to begin something new (this blog) by the courageous acts of a fellow lumber yard worker. She is driving to establish a new venue by which to sell windows and services to consumers. It's a very new retail model for our Company. While others see her as a little off, I see her as a visionary following a dream...ah to have a dream and the energy an courage to follow the dream. I want to be part of the energy around the adventure. Maybe it's the wonder of the ability to still dream. So check out her blog and know that if the venture fails then it at least for a moment spawned this blog http://homeagainbyhancocklumber.blogspot.com/